Tag Archives: purpose

His Ways, Purpose, and Promises

Just after I had Timothy being a avid listener to “focus on the family” and James Dopson, i got and read his book ” Having faith when God does not make sense”.
It was the perfect timing because nothing in my life made sense. I had just had a very sick baby and doctors were trying to practice medicines. There were most things wrong then answers, during that season of misdiagnosis, wrong diagnosis, and more test. I start to remember to have faith when nothing made sense so I took it one day at a time, mostly operating on autopilot or what I call robot mode and trusting god that he had a plan and a purpose and was working it out. I did not question his ways, I just looked at my family and trusted God to work it out for our good and he did above and beyond.
I look back and still amazed and still ask how? Today as I looked at my current situation the storm has been at it’s worst everyone and everything I love is on the line. This time I am asking why? I know he promises that I have a hop and a future but I ask why. Is it necessary for me, for us to go this way to fulfill his purpose nevertheless and I surrender my will to his and yes I still tell him I dont understand his way. I don’t know what he is doing and when my faith is weaken, reminds me that ” his way has a purpose” he has a plan, purpose and promise to me and mines and then I ask him to help me and trust him.
Its a daily surrender my will to his will. As I look at my kids hurting and struggling to get a grip, my heart breaks and then I put my hand on my heart for a few moments. I breath and slowly I remind myself that we are not alone, god is in the midst of this and even when I don’t understand his way, when I don’t see the path, I just have to trust his plan and surrender to his will.
So I encourage my kids and myself to hold on just a little longer, then the page, start a new chapter and allow his prefect will to be done in the midst of it all.


“Miracles in my mess”

One of the cliches I loved is “only God can take a mess and give us a message”, and yeah I have counted on that when my world is a complete mess, most of the time.

It’s working for my good, God is going to turn this mess into a message, it helps me to be patient, to press on, to wait for change, but oh yes, the waiting part.

Waiting for God to turn my mess into a message is a challenge, I am not a very patient person, I want it now.

So yesterday as I read uninvited”, I had an ahaha moment, “looking for miracles,in the mess”. Yes it will work for my good! Yes he is turning it into a message, but while I am in this mess, I’m looking for my miracles

See my world is a mess right now, I don’t even want to do a status on social media because it’s redundant, I am either feeling like David, whining, oh lord help! Oh lord how come! Or Job and my friends are wondering, hey, I am wondering what did I do to reap this mess. I must had to do something right because to loose everything, to have so much happen and is happening? Why? Is this for naught. Yet I decided ” I won’t curse God and die” I won’t give in, I will slay my giants…

As I mediated on Lisa’s words in the un-invited and I look for the miracles, in my mess…

I have to say Oh lord how excellence is your name in all the earth (my life) because in this mess right here, right now, this situation where it’s an only God, or I die, we die! I see miracles, I see 3 healthy grandson, I see a new career, I see my kids getting closer and build stronger bonds, I see I am not in a mental institution, I have not totally lost my mind, and even if my health has questions and need a miracle, I am here! I am alive and God is still God….

So the mundane things, the “lost time”, “the abandonment”,

I will bless you! I will make you a nation, I am turning this mess into a message and there are miracles happening everyday. God’s love is reaching me and mines, in the pits and he is loving us with an everlasting love and oh the miracles around us are amazing

Yesterday, as I looked at the ultrasound of my 3rd grandson, as he put up a hand to wave, it’s a miracle he is thriving in a body that has seizures, migraine and microduplication 22q11.

I have friends when they found out my daughter was pregnant and really loves us but they know her story and health, they comment if there was ever a case for abortion this was it, mom’s life at risk, baby’s life at risk, quality of life unknown, but God, and the miracle in my mess is proving that if there was ever a case for pro-life this was it, because with all odds, this baby is thriving and living and is already a miracle.

Looking at my miracle NOT my mess!!!!!

“A mother’s Decision”

My daughter Rae-Quel is living with Microduplication 22q11.2 (similar to De-George Syndrome), and is now 12 weeks pregnant.

It’s funny when I talk to Rae-Quell about taking care of her because “taking care of her, is taking care of the baby”, also trying to instill “self care” now because as a mom, a single mom, the desire and need to put your child 100 percent before you is so great and overwhelming that “self care” is a learned luxury but really is a necessity to make it through the next 18 years plus!

Anyway, as I go to her appointment I am so proud of Rae-Quel as she makes decision, which test to do, and why? Which one she can wait for?

Usually her first question is “will it hurt my baby”? Sounds like a great mom in the making, I watch her struggle with wanting to know if her baby has the same syndrome or another syndrome and the desire to protect her baby at all cost, don’t let anything happens to my baby she prays, don’t do any test that will put her/him,  in danger she pleas, she already has to deal with being in my body!!! 

It seem like the odds are already stacked at this new grandbaby and this “young” mom!

My heart break as I watch her break the cocoon to become a beautiful, butterfly

I watched and I pray but I am impress of her questions and her choices and her decision, she knows the odds, she knows the risk, no matter how she gets here, she has a life that depends on her and she will be this baby moms for the rest of the baby life and will always find herself having to make a decision. 

She has watched me struggle and has learn and is learning from my decisions, she will make hers and no matter where I am, I will always be supporting her and encouraging her and doing what’s best for her, because she is my daughter and my baby! Like her I ask, how does this affect Rae-Quel, will this hurt Rae-Quel, what are the risk to my baby! How can I keep her safe and she struggles to keep her child safe!

A parent knows how to give good gifts to their child! Will a parent will give a scorpion when asked for a fish, 

See we have the best example of parenting and unconditional love, because God is the good good father, he has set the standards so high that we can!

Yes Rae-Quel will make mistakes, she will learn some hard lesson, she will continued to learn how to thrive with a genetic disorder, while raising a baby and she will have a family that supports her unconditionally, she will have arms to hold her as she falls apart, she will have some one to text and say “your grandchild”

She will experience all the emotions of parenting and she will grow!!! 


What does forgiveness look like?

I can call this forgive #2, and pick up from a previous blog, but I am sure there will be another blog about forgiveness.

I know I have to forgive, I have to forgive to receive forgiveness, Jesus stressed to forgive 70 times 7,the same person, what you gotta be kidding me, the same person can hurt me over and over again and I have to forgive because God says so, I want to live a life pleasing to him, I have surrendered my life to him, so it’s not mines it’s his, so yep I have to forgive!

Maybe this isn’t for you! Maybe it’s only me who struggles with forgiveness, especially the same person, and almost the same act!

I cry how many time God, he says 70 times 7, until it doesn’t hurt!

But it hurts and I struggle with 2 truths! Yes God says to forgive, but this is her character, this is how he is, this is his norm, there will be a next time, there is always a next time.

So I lay here, journaling and reading my bible and as I asked God to forgive me again! I struggled with forgiving the ones who has hurt me, the one who while I was over the clift with the rope dangling and breaking, stood above and cut the rope and watch me free fall. 

No safety net, down in the ditch I land and it’s a hard landing, I get to live with it for the rest of my life. I get to see the words. 

I watched as she cuts the rope and I know I will fall, I am going to die here in this pit, I can’t breath, I am cold and hungry and it’s so dark and alone and I free fall, my life flash before my eyes and I see all the things I am going to miss but I don’t care, I just want to die, let me die already. 

Then I get a message! A rainbow seeker had thrown a rope over and is climbing down to sit with me. 

Oh but for grace that runs from Calvary becomes my #hashtag.

So now I am on solid ground, now I have been rescued! 

How do I forgive! What does forgiveness looks like. 

How do I move on and be the best person I can be for my family, and forgive you!

I have prayed, I gave you to God. I don’t have a hell to put you, so I pray and I pick up the pieces of my life’s and I leave you at the foot of the cross, I tell God you are a burden that is too much for me, so I gave you to him and I walk away. 

I don’t hate you! I don’t want you to hurt! I don’t want to get even,  not praying for God to get you! Not telling God how much you have hurt me, he knows already.

See forgiveness for me means I get to walk away! Free and clear! No hurt, no animosity, not be grudging. I just walked away and let God be God.

Denise’s perspective! 

So I mentioned about a week ago! I had big news and part of that news where my daughter Rae-Kyea co-blogging with me,

Well here is my next big “surprise”, I have asked a couple of my friends to write a piece to be featured here and today we get to hear from my friend Denise

She is a Home-school mom, who loves God with her whole heart and a fellow bible-art journaler, swap sister, penpals, who I call #swapsisters 

Denise’s conversation with her daughter:

Okay, I started writing, not even having a clue what I was going to say. I came up with this. 
I was talking with my daughter earlier about judging people. She said that God loved her, even though she wasn’t worthy and the least she could do was love others. Why is that so hard sometimes? Loving others should come so simply. But satan sneaks in and steals our joy. He wants to cause chaos. If we just love as Jesus loves us, we will be truly fulfilled. We all have our scars and flaws. But God loves us anyway. We are grumpy, we do things unpleasing to Him, we do not do the work He wants us to, and He STILL loves us! Oh to love others that unconditionally. What an amazing love that is. Let’s try to see others through our Jesus glasses. Look upon them as He would. Don’t concentrate on the “bad” things. Give more compliments. Smile at strangers. Do random acts of kindness. Those little things could make a huge difference in the lives of others. The world can be a cold, harsh place. But we can change it. Reach out to someone. Be that light in the darkness. Be that shoulder to cry on. Let the world see God through you. You will find that by giving to others, you will fill your own heart with happiness!

There is no pit so deep…….

To say I have been having bad day is an understatement. 

After a very horrible day on Friday where I am living my worst nightmare and even in my worst night mare I would never have imagine, I will be here.

I totally collapsed and spend the rest of the weekend, depress and crying and as if that not bad already, for some-one very close and important to you added to that misery, well!!!! 

thanks be to God a girlfriend text and sat over the cliff with me, while I find my way out, and today……..

There is no pit so deep that God's love cannot reached, thanks to some strangers on Facebook who became swap sister (we swap bible art supplies and encourage each other), I got a package (care package) in the mail, of journals, retreat kit, spa date and most important prayer cards and stickers to create a war-binder!

His loves shows up in human form and when I cried, I know you are there but I just need some one to touch, to hugged, to hear them say I am here for you!

He gave me a group of them and then some…..

His loves shows up in some dysfunctional youth, who prayed for me

His love showed up in a rainbow seeker, who sat in the midst of the storm with me.

His love showed up in my fellow bible art journaling sisters who swapped stickers and pocket letters and make me lol and reminded me that he loves me so much

His love showed up in my best friend who remembered to put and encouraging message on my phone

His love showed up in my daughter, who read the "nasty message" and said! That not true you are an amazing mom and we love you!

His love shows up in Rayshawn who was too excited to tell me he passed his test and he was on his way to get me

Yep, even tho I make my bed in hell you are there with me.

Where can I go from your presence!!!!!!! Oh where!!!! 

Love him so much!!!! 

True Christian calls by his name will show up 

“Till death” (NOT) 

Yesterday, I was having a tough day to say the least bit as I scroll down my Facebook fields I came to a status that made me smile…. 

it was the status of my fellow rainbow seeker. Love to be on the floor, Youth leader CHM, as she  post about her busy weeks of graduations, sometimes 2 per day, I smile what else will a Youth leader be doing!! 

Then I saw her status ” when you die, come haunt us, so you can talk to us” what ?!?!!!

Oh my world! I start laughing, not even death can keep them away from her,   So I won’t be saying “sleep in sweet peace dear rainbow seeker”. Nope! 

It funny to me as a youth leader and some one who knows her and her “dysfunctional youths” but I start thinking wow!!! 

What if we impact a generation so much that even in death, they still want to hear you! You have changed some many  lives so much that the phase “till death” doesn’t stand!

A love that knows no borders or boundaries, a love that not even death can separate, no greater love have these, that a youth leader who gives her life for her youths .