Tag Archives: love

“Color me blind”

It's Monday and a new work week and most of us, has gone back to life as "normal" the hashtag #charlottesville, will be used less and #prayersforcharlottesville has stop, life goes on, any way for us, until the next incident.

So why did I wait until today to speak out, "why am I a day late and a dollar short", am I not angry at what happened? Well….

I don't want this to be another blog, another post, but most importantly, I spend the weekend trying to explain to my 19 year old, my strong opinion on what's going on and what's the cause of this.

One of the question/observation, she asked, why so much hate with this administration? We have always had problems but not openly, as I try to tell my daughter, hate begat hate unless we change it, you can't have a leader that ignites, hate and in-justice and the country stays calms, except for the grace of God!

Is he to blame for all of this, of course not! We are all to blame…..

It grieves my heart on a daily bases as I scroll Facebook of the racist hate I see especially from the Christian community, yes I hold us to a higher standard.

Okay! So let's talk about #charlottesville, most of us out-cry about what has taken place and we should, its racist, it's un-acceptable and it oh so wrong, as I read twitter, I see so many pictures of #equality, hate is taught not born, quotes from MLKjr and the list goes on.

Here is my one cent, as I see the post and read the comments I see a pattern, I see a problem, my heart breaks? I ask how did we get here? It's 21st century, we have come a long way or have we!!

Let each of us examine ourselves and see the racists in each of us, the hate we share publicly on social media. We are the problem!

If you have used a them vs us – you are a racist
If you compare any thing by skin color -you are a racist
If you teach your kids to "look out for them", "they mean you no good" you are a racist and you are breeding hate!
If you used all white, them white, all black, all LGBT, all muslims to describe any negative situation, you are part of the problem

If you have use social media and call some one outside of what God created them for you are the problem
If you judge a situation with out knowing their story, you are part of the problem

If you have spend the whole weekend comparing every event to a #black-situation you are part of the problem.

So yes, hate is too big of a burden, and we create an atmosphere of tension and riot unless we truly get past the stinking thinking, forgave ourselves and our history and leave the past in the past.

We all have a beginning, but that only a part of your story, and too many people sacrifice their all so we can be free, most importantly God gave his only son so you can be free!

Unless we judge people by their actions and intentions and not the skin color, not the past, we will always have #Charlottesville

Only love and light can drive out hate and darkness, so as we #remember #charlottesville, let us color our world blind, let's link up and get involve, let's see each other as Christ sees them, not black, not white, not wild dogs puppies, not a teen mom (problem) but as humans..
Let's start with one and start with me..

“Wild dog puppies”

It has been about a month now and I can't get those words out my head. "What you expect. When you take in wild dogs puppy", the words were sent with such hatred, anger, poisons, venom and I feel and hear them , way down in my heart.

I was meant to destroy me and oh boy did it almost destroy me, some-one who has struggled with her identity for all my life. Some one who admits, that on most days I think I am worthless and my family and this world is better off with out me…

No. he wasn't calling me a "wild dog puppy" but it was meant to crush and destroy me , the words were sent to hurt me and oh did it. I have cried for days and weeks and still cries,
Even as I type this blog, the tears are falling because the effect of the hatred is still so fresh.

I want to scream, I want to asked why do you hate me, what have I done, what didn't I do? Why do you hate me so much? Why will you cut the rope that I am barely hanging on and leave me in a pit to die? Do you understand I wanted to die?, Do you know I counted the pill in my bottle and asked is this enough to do the job?
Will it stop this pain, will it bring a better solution? are they better off with out me?

I screen shot the conversation, I reminded myself of your words. How can a pastor, some one who claims to love God, call a child any child "a wild dog puppy", what did they ever do to you?

As I bible journal this month, this week, I make and extra effort to do "who I am", who does God say I am, I write out the affirmation, I put on flash cards, I create tip in.

I make a conscious decision to remind me who God say I am, and remind me whose I am.

I struggle to forgive you! I pray every day to forgive you but the words are echo and it bring me to tears every time and I have to go back to the foot of the cross, I have to give you to God and let God wash me with his words….

Today as I get dressed "word of God speak" came on and I hit the repeat button so fast, I forgot I was supposed to be trying to play my list completely with out repeat….
But my soul wants to live, my soul cries out to God to live, so he puts this song on my play list and reminds me that his words is pouring down like rain, he is in this place, this place where I am, this deep, dark pit, that this situation that has the "making of a perfect storm", that place where only a miracle can help me.

Yes I find myself lost for words and prayers and tears and yes it is ok….. but I hear him, he washed my eyes to see his majesty and yes right here, in this place let me stay in his holiness!

Because I am in the right place, in the right position with all the making of a miracle and yes this is one of my miracles.

It will take a miracle but oh boy do I know a miracle worker….


Backstage pass

So I have a cleaning company, my daughter helped me start about 5 years ago, it has had it struggles like every other businesses but I love it most of the time.

I love to clean and I love what I do, it's actually therapy for me, but some days I can do with out the customers (humans/adult interaction) I really don't do adults.

Anyway I live in DC and it has it benefit having a cleaning company here 😱, but there a few things behind the scenes as client trust us to let us into their home and take care of their things that amazes me on the daily bases.

Denial customers- they are in denial about everything, how long it will take. How dirty/clutter their homes are, and what is a reasonable price for the Job.

Twice clean- oh I love them, they tell us, oh we have to clean up before you come, I never used to understand the need to clean before the cleaners come until yesterday, when I had a client. That I wished cleaned before I got there.

Picture perfect- are the ones the homes are absolutely clean, they clean themselves and usually just need a professional overhaul, but will most likely think their homes are dirty…. oh how I wish

Most of our customers are really genuinely nice, we have had some over the years that I have called " can't pay me enough" clients. I don't do drama and demanding to a point, it's one of the reason why I am self-employed. So when there is a blizzard, storm, act of God and I call to re-scheduled and you are angry and ask why can't my cleaners make it, and I am telling you safety first means they can't and you spend 30 mins fusing about how long ago it was on the scheduled, you have……. so unless they are dead you expect them to clean……. its when I take a deep breath very loudly so you can hear me breath and count to 1000 before I respond with, I am so sorry but not willing to risk my life or my cleaners life, please accept our apologies with the refund of your money! And they grasp! You are refunding us, not even want to re-scheduled any more…….
Hmmm I'm thinking how can I say what am thinking nicely……..
some days, some clients there is no way to say it nicely so you just go with "when he'll freezes over, will we clean your house"! Okay not nice, not Godly, gotta work on that.

But those are the less than one percent over the last 5/6 years of business so not a bad record.

I am grateful every day, that most of our clients are really sweet and wonderful and just want a service with integrity and passion for what they do and we try, we really try.

I usually don't talk about tipping because again it personal across borders and we truly appreciate the one that tip, as a business owner I strive to pay my employees the high end of the going rate in the market, so they can feed their family and not depend on tip to make up the difference…..

I have signed the petition to raise minimum wages to $15, especially in DC where the cost of living is so high and yes I will love to see more people tip in the industry, because less than 20 percent tip, we are alway grateful and gracious to those who tips and tip above the "market standard", personal I do not judge and I will still take a client as a "regular", even if they don't tip, I have had cleaners refuse to work with some customers because they aren't tippers and they feel un-appreciated, this is what I call "to each his own".. life goes on….

Personally I don't build in tips in fees because o feel you should be given the chance to be as generous as you need and want to be, but yes there are days when after a long day, difficult client and lack of appreciation I have considered building in tips in fees for some clients….. still praying on that concept…

The thing is at the end of the day, I really love what I do and it makes me feel amazing to see the instant gratification that comes with cleaning up a space, it's a reminder that God takes the mess I gave him and turns it every day, every time into a masterpiece. He gives me a "clean" home after I mess up!

So as I take the every home, every situation as a reminder to give my mess to God, as each client turns over their homes to me I in turn must turn over my home, my heart, my body to the ultimate cleaner of messes…..

“Murphy’s law meets warrior princess”

"Pregnancy problems",as she calls them!

Rae-Quell having a difficult pregnancy is an under statement. She gives new meaning to HG, morning sickness and a heighten sense of smell that goes right back to the never- ending nauseous and vomiting.

And just in case that not enough let's add seizure, migraine, 22q to that mix and yeah she is having a "wonderful" time.

Once again the girl changes her major and decides she is going to get her CDA before the baby gets here and after calling a couple day-care centers she found one that allows her to do her volunteers hours…..

This morning, " Murphy's law" shows up, rushing to meet me for breakfast before I meet up with a client, she left her wallet at home, having to get off the bus a few stops from home, and having to walk back to the house only to realized she is locked out again, yes back to the bus stop praying a driver will let her ride, to me….

Yay but for grace she got to me, money in hand for a new buss pass and on her way to her program, she goes right, not a problem….

Then I get the text, I'm done with this day, I lost my "smart trip" yep the same one I just gave her money to buy….. and she typed I just want to go back to bed and start over but I can't even do that because I am locked out…… oh boy I feel you!
Yes I want to tell her call the center, cancel, come get my keys and go home and do some bible journaling…..

Nope! This is life, as much as we don't like to do "adulting" we just had to deal….

So I typed, breathe! Take the money for my "swaps supplies" get something to eat, get a new bus pass and go to your program….

I know something's she doesn't know, going to the center and working with the kids will be exactly what she needs and most importantly, this "warrior princess" is going to "slay her giants" and keep on keeping on!

So off with your head "Mr. Murphy's Law", look out this warrior princess is coming for you and you my friend is going to fall….#slayinggiantsisahobbyforus

So to her program, she went and is still there!


Love shows up

Love is a 4 letter that brings a whole lot of emotions.

Of course you dealing with matters of the heart and of the most vulnerable organ, you have to protect it, out of it flows life and the issues of life, so we take a great deal of care and try with every we have to protect it

Sometimes even with the best effort, love shows up in so many ways.

A youth concern about your health.
A random conversation with a youth that you realized even death can't separate you from them, or I troll Facebook and those same youths are fighting for their share of love and attention 😱

Love shows up when out of the little he has, he honors what you sows in to him and tell you let him pay for your drink

Love shows up in a daughter's love that surprise you at the store,

Oh love shows up when one of those dysfunctional youths worry about you, live in an "elderly home" and is willing to put you in the"future" home and "take good care of you"

Oh love shows up when a friend goes out his way to ensure another friend gets off from work safely.

Yes love shows up when one fell sick and they all covered her in prayers and support.

Sometimes loves shows up in strangers that becomes, sister friends, prayer partner

Love shows up on a tough day as "happy mail"

Love shows up with a message saying "are you ok"

As much as we don't want to get hurt and loving some-one is risk getting hurt, love real love, true love will show up in unusual places

“Brother’s keeper”

Since my kids were small before they can even really understand, I had a buddy system, a password (safe-word) so they know which adult they can trust even if the adult was a family friend they had to know the safe word to pick my kids up or take them any where with out me….

Of course the oldest was responsible for his siblings (oh how he hated it) and sometimes they hated it to because it meant sitting at his "games" before they can leave school……

I am my brother/sister keeper was written in every journal, family meeting, rewards board!

You are your brother/sister keeper! I drilled! I won't take I don't know where…….. is, she is your family and you should know.

Then one day we were watching LILO and stitch and learned the word OHANA- family, no one left Behind or forgotten…..

Yes in a family, with good night routines and crazy pets, and each child having a different song, prayer, "thing they did with me" I added OHANNA as ours also.

Well the last couple months has been crisis after crisis, health scare after health scare…… you have seen the social medias post!

But one thing is for sure, this mama is so proud of my kids and how they are showing strength in the face of adversity, how they are preserve-ring! So proud of them and they all has got each other back!

But Rae-Kyea my oldest, SAHM, wife, mom to a toddler, pregnant with baby number 2 and has her own little family and it's issues as every family has…..
But this girl has taken brother/sister keeper to another level and has been there for all her siblings

She cried with her sister when we found out she was pregnant and then start helping her get appointments

Her brother accidents with baby on hip she ran to the site to make sure he was ok and oh boy Timothy cannot asked for a better older sister, this girl is his champion she is up all night doing research making phones calls, keeping me from falling apart and still encourages him to hang in there and be strong!!

I can't tell you how many text I get from her saying that's my baby brother…..

Yes! OHANA- family no one left behind or forgot, but even more important when God asked each of these 4 kids where is……… (naming any of the siblings) or where were you when ……..was…………their answer is going to be, "I was right there with them, I cried as he cried and then we lol and I was right there"

So proud of them and won't trade them for the world!
No one left behind or forgotten

Love is..

An action word! When asked how much you love me he says so much and died for me… love is God, love is kind! Love does not boast, Love doesn't not hurt, loves lifts up not pulled down, loves bears all things, endure alls things. Love is gentle…..

I can go on! I did a word search on one of my bible app and as I type love is…. so much Scripture came up! 

I google what love is and googled had all theses memes, and quotes and yep Wikipedia, love is an action word……

Why am I researching love. I should know what it looks like, what it smells like, 

I love to create math problems that has no solution and tell my kids that's how much I love them and I do love them to infinity times infinity (squared), ……..can't explain how they makes me feel, can't explain how I feel about God.

We use love as an excuse, or reason! I love you but you hurting me (an abusive relationship) 

You making me do this but I love you (you put it back on me, so it has conditions) 

I'm doing the best here! Not sure I believe that but ok….

Then I breathe and I say! for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son! 

That it! That's loved, he gave his all so I can have eternal life, so I don't hurt. So I won't die for my sin.

A friend post on Facebook! Love is when some-one wiped your tears and hold you after you left them hanging on a cross for your sin- that's love! That's what it looks like, that's what it feels like……

I don't have to because he already paid for me….

It's like going to this 5 star restaurant and eating for free, every day of your lives, every meal and some one picks up your tab and that still can't compare to God's love. 

He paid the debt I owed, I owed a debt, I couldn't pay and because he loves me so much! No greater love has……..except for the one that stretch his arms and die for me. 

There is no sin, nothing I can do that God won't put on Jesus back 

That's love❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️