Tag Archives: God

Is your good, good enough?

The average person will usually say “I’m a good person, I don’t lie. Don’t Steal. I haven’t murdered anybody, etc. So I’m a good person and I’m going to Heaven.” They may even be able to say “I don’t swear or curse.” but Is your good, good enough? Is your standard the same as Jesus? How do we know what he is looking for and yes it tells us in the bible. Have you ever told a “white lie” to get a job or call in sick to get a day off? Have you ever cut in front of a line? Do you look at a person situation and make a negative assumption? Are these really sin or does God understand?

I personally have my own opinion but again I am human. I am not perfect and is just as guilty of some of the above. My only thing is God’s amazing grace, that he looks at my heart.

So for me I don’t know if my good is good enough but I know on a daily basis I strive to be more Christ-Like, I strive to renew my mind and be transformed, and daily I stop to think before I do because I want Eternal Life.


Held together by stickers and washi tape!

My life is full of redundant lately, it seem every status, conversation, blog, centers around a crisis and yes we have a lot going on at once and crisis is our middle name but seriously like enough, so now I don’t even want to blog or write about it.

Anyway my brother text me yesterday wanting to see how we were doing and get an update, well I had just got some bad news and was I the frame of mind I just want to get home and get into my fort….

As I tell myself I so sick of crying especially in public.

So after sending a text saying I was having one of those days and don’t feel like chatting will message him later. I realized I don’t get to chat with my brother a lot and if it’s one thing these sickness and diagnosis and life is teaching me right now, is to live in the moments and spend time with the people who loves me.

So I breath, put on worship music and message him back and as I give him the latest set of bad news and he admits the family feels so hopeless and then the famous question.

How are you sis! How are you holding up? Ha holding up! as I type this blog and type my response the tears are falling, so I respond, I can’t wait to get home and go into my fort.

I am literally being held together by stickers and washi tape……

He encourages me and was happy I had an outlet, a health out let because heavens knows all the alternatives I can be doing.

As I got home and headed to my journal room and worked on a couple pages in my bible and let the music take me to the foot of the cross and chat with some sweet sister.

I message back Raf, and send him what I had done since we chat and he went oh wow! Awesome!

Yes I feel better, no the situation didn’t change, the news and results are the same, the decision

As I say Good night to my brother and end another conversation. RMG asked me how are you holding up, and I smile for real this time and say by “washi tape and stickers” and he smiled with me…..

Yep held together by washi tape and stickers and a faith in God that he can do the impossible!


The traveling bible

My friend Amanda H, had an amazing idea, she introduce me and our sweet swap sister group to the idea of a traveling bible! Why not!

The word of God is the most powerful thing, it heals, it brings comfort, it sustain, it has ALL the answer we need so why not share it across a “dying nations”

Any-way, as usual I am getting ahead of myself. So the idea is the Bible will travel across America and each sister get to journal 2 entries in it, one in the old and one in the New Testament and then we mail it to the next sister on list.

I love the fact that there was some mystery to it, I didn’t know who had it and where I was on the listen, we only knew where it started Kentucky, and I was some where on the list, the person sending it after they finished they entry had the option to share their pages picture and tell what state it was headed to.

We are asked to pray for the Bible and the homes it will be sent to and the ladies and family! So excited.

So a couple weeks ago, in the midst of “life with 2 pregnant daughters” and all the craziness that makes up my normal life, Raequel and I got to host the Bible…….

Oh what a privilege. Raequel was so excited she grabbed it first, I was so scared, knowing that my journal entry was going to touch so many lives as this bible, go beyond the walls of color, nationality, denomination, and travel America.

In a week of life craziness of sickness, storms, racial tension and a nation divide by the color of your skin , here in my house, in my journal room was a bible, gift to a cause, traveling America, being in homes of my sisters, that came together as a group because we loved God and we love bible journaling.

Here in my house was God, his written word setting an example of what it means to love unconditionally. What it mean not to see color and ability but to be each other sister and prayer partner…..

And yes as we journal and we pack the Bible up and mail it to the next sweet sister not only did we send our entry but we sent our love and our prayers that as she received it, it will touch her first and then as she journal, God already knows where this bible will be gifted to and already knows what that home is in need of, so as we prepare our journal it’s already order that this bible will break barriers and the word of God will stand on its own.

“Miracles in my mess”

One of the cliches I loved is “only God can take a mess and give us a message”, and yeah I have counted on that when my world is a complete mess, most of the time.

It’s working for my good, God is going to turn this mess into a message, it helps me to be patient, to press on, to wait for change, but oh yes, the waiting part.

Waiting for God to turn my mess into a message is a challenge, I am not a very patient person, I want it now.

So yesterday as I read uninvited”, I had an ahaha moment, “looking for miracles,in the mess”. Yes it will work for my good! Yes he is turning it into a message, but while I am in this mess, I’m looking for my miracles

See my world is a mess right now, I don’t even want to do a status on social media because it’s redundant, I am either feeling like David, whining, oh lord help! Oh lord how come! Or Job and my friends are wondering, hey, I am wondering what did I do to reap this mess. I must had to do something right because to loose everything, to have so much happen and is happening? Why? Is this for naught. Yet I decided ” I won’t curse God and die” I won’t give in, I will slay my giants…

As I mediated on Lisa’s words in the un-invited and I look for the miracles, in my mess…

I have to say Oh lord how excellence is your name in all the earth (my life) because in this mess right here, right now, this situation where it’s an only God, or I die, we die! I see miracles, I see 3 healthy grandson, I see a new career, I see my kids getting closer and build stronger bonds, I see I am not in a mental institution, I have not totally lost my mind, and even if my health has questions and need a miracle, I am here! I am alive and God is still God….

So the mundane things, the “lost time”, “the abandonment”,

I will bless you! I will make you a nation, I am turning this mess into a message and there are miracles happening everyday. God’s love is reaching me and mines, in the pits and he is loving us with an everlasting love and oh the miracles around us are amazing

Yesterday, as I looked at the ultrasound of my 3rd grandson, as he put up a hand to wave, it’s a miracle he is thriving in a body that has seizures, migraine and microduplication 22q11.

I have friends when they found out my daughter was pregnant and really loves us but they know her story and health, they comment if there was ever a case for abortion this was it, mom’s life at risk, baby’s life at risk, quality of life unknown, but God, and the miracle in my mess is proving that if there was ever a case for pro-life this was it, because with all odds, this baby is thriving and living and is already a miracle.

Looking at my miracle NOT my mess!!!!!

“Wild dog puppies”

It has been about a month now and I can't get those words out my head. "What you expect. When you take in wild dogs puppy", the words were sent with such hatred, anger, poisons, venom and I feel and hear them , way down in my heart.

I was meant to destroy me and oh boy did it almost destroy me, some-one who has struggled with her identity for all my life. Some one who admits, that on most days I think I am worthless and my family and this world is better off with out me…

No. he wasn't calling me a "wild dog puppy" but it was meant to crush and destroy me , the words were sent to hurt me and oh did it. I have cried for days and weeks and still cries,
Even as I type this blog, the tears are falling because the effect of the hatred is still so fresh.

I want to scream, I want to asked why do you hate me, what have I done, what didn't I do? Why do you hate me so much? Why will you cut the rope that I am barely hanging on and leave me in a pit to die? Do you understand I wanted to die?, Do you know I counted the pill in my bottle and asked is this enough to do the job?
Will it stop this pain, will it bring a better solution? are they better off with out me?

I screen shot the conversation, I reminded myself of your words. How can a pastor, some one who claims to love God, call a child any child "a wild dog puppy", what did they ever do to you?

As I bible journal this month, this week, I make and extra effort to do "who I am", who does God say I am, I write out the affirmation, I put on flash cards, I create tip in.

I make a conscious decision to remind me who God say I am, and remind me whose I am.

I struggle to forgive you! I pray every day to forgive you but the words are echo and it bring me to tears every time and I have to go back to the foot of the cross, I have to give you to God and let God wash me with his words….

Today as I get dressed "word of God speak" came on and I hit the repeat button so fast, I forgot I was supposed to be trying to play my list completely with out repeat….
But my soul wants to live, my soul cries out to God to live, so he puts this song on my play list and reminds me that his words is pouring down like rain, he is in this place, this place where I am, this deep, dark pit, that this situation that has the "making of a perfect storm", that place where only a miracle can help me.

Yes I find myself lost for words and prayers and tears and yes it is ok….. but I hear him, he washed my eyes to see his majesty and yes right here, in this place let me stay in his holiness!

Because I am in the right place, in the right position with all the making of a miracle and yes this is one of my miracles.

It will take a miracle but oh boy do I know a miracle worker….


Backstage pass

So I have a cleaning company, my daughter helped me start about 5 years ago, it has had it struggles like every other businesses but I love it most of the time.

I love to clean and I love what I do, it's actually therapy for me, but some days I can do with out the customers (humans/adult interaction) I really don't do adults.

Anyway I live in DC and it has it benefit having a cleaning company here 😱, but there a few things behind the scenes as client trust us to let us into their home and take care of their things that amazes me on the daily bases.

Denial customers- they are in denial about everything, how long it will take. How dirty/clutter their homes are, and what is a reasonable price for the Job.

Twice clean- oh I love them, they tell us, oh we have to clean up before you come, I never used to understand the need to clean before the cleaners come until yesterday, when I had a client. That I wished cleaned before I got there.

Picture perfect- are the ones the homes are absolutely clean, they clean themselves and usually just need a professional overhaul, but will most likely think their homes are dirty…. oh how I wish

Most of our customers are really genuinely nice, we have had some over the years that I have called " can't pay me enough" clients. I don't do drama and demanding to a point, it's one of the reason why I am self-employed. So when there is a blizzard, storm, act of God and I call to re-scheduled and you are angry and ask why can't my cleaners make it, and I am telling you safety first means they can't and you spend 30 mins fusing about how long ago it was on the scheduled, you have……. so unless they are dead you expect them to clean……. its when I take a deep breath very loudly so you can hear me breath and count to 1000 before I respond with, I am so sorry but not willing to risk my life or my cleaners life, please accept our apologies with the refund of your money! And they grasp! You are refunding us, not even want to re-scheduled any more…….
Hmmm I'm thinking how can I say what am thinking nicely……..
some days, some clients there is no way to say it nicely so you just go with "when he'll freezes over, will we clean your house"! Okay not nice, not Godly, gotta work on that.

But those are the less than one percent over the last 5/6 years of business so not a bad record.

I am grateful every day, that most of our clients are really sweet and wonderful and just want a service with integrity and passion for what they do and we try, we really try.

I usually don't talk about tipping because again it personal across borders and we truly appreciate the one that tip, as a business owner I strive to pay my employees the high end of the going rate in the market, so they can feed their family and not depend on tip to make up the difference…..

I have signed the petition to raise minimum wages to $15, especially in DC where the cost of living is so high and yes I will love to see more people tip in the industry, because less than 20 percent tip, we are alway grateful and gracious to those who tips and tip above the "market standard", personal I do not judge and I will still take a client as a "regular", even if they don't tip, I have had cleaners refuse to work with some customers because they aren't tippers and they feel un-appreciated, this is what I call "to each his own".. life goes on….

Personally I don't build in tips in fees because o feel you should be given the chance to be as generous as you need and want to be, but yes there are days when after a long day, difficult client and lack of appreciation I have considered building in tips in fees for some clients….. still praying on that concept…

The thing is at the end of the day, I really love what I do and it makes me feel amazing to see the instant gratification that comes with cleaning up a space, it's a reminder that God takes the mess I gave him and turns it every day, every time into a masterpiece. He gives me a "clean" home after I mess up!

So as I take the every home, every situation as a reminder to give my mess to God, as each client turns over their homes to me I in turn must turn over my home, my heart, my body to the ultimate cleaner of messes…..


Jeremiah 29:11, is one of my favorite scripture and then it became Rae-Quel's Life scriptures, what not to like. For I know the thoughts I think towards you! What God is thinking of me and his thought are to give me a future and a hope! Ok yep I like that….but lately as I say it, pray it, speak it, write it, journal it, my future from where I am at looks so bleak, with everything here in the natural, I don't have a future or want the future I am seeing with my natural eyes, so I repeat it again for I know the thoughts……… to give you a future and a hope!
Ok God you have to make this plain and simple for me to understand and see, because I can sit here and tell you about any parts of my life and tell you what I see…… and that's not a hope and a future…. more doctors. More disappointments. more crying, more prayers……..

For my ways aren't yours, oh yeah! You are the great I am, the creator of the universe and you are the only one in control……
Ok breath, for I know the thoughts I think toward you said the lord of host, thought of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope!

My ways aren't yours!
I hold this world in the palms of my hands
I am that I am……..

Yes! Gotta just trust him