Tag Archives: faith

Oh sweet Texas!

Today, I went to target and dollar store picking up some stuff to sent it mission u too as my September swap commitment, with the sweet sister in my Facebook group.

It was harder than I thought because what the most need, well for me stickers for a child over-rides tooth paste maybe not and yeah I can here the argument the point is mental health is just as important as basic needs so adding a coloring book and crayon can give a mom something to hold on to!

I remember when Harvey was going to hit SVG, I stalked Facebook to make sure my friends and family was safe, thank you Jesus for your protection, so yep having live through hurricane I know what Texas is feeling but never to this extent

So the same hurricane passed over the Caribbean and yes it dumped a lot of rain in some areas but nothing like this and heaven knows it would have wiped out the entire country had it been this strong, so the logic answer is it picked up strength as it cross the Atlantic or is SVG and the Caribbean more faithful than Texas and American

Is Harvey God’s punishment to America?

That seem to be the question when there is a tragedy, where is God? Why did he allow this? Why did he make this happen?

We let’s just say I believe God is in heaven and is “saying,” wait till I get your attention” he isn’t! He is a Good Good father, who knows how to give great gifts to his children and he does not take pleasure in our suffering, so back to the question. WHY? Well I can think of 2, it’s hurricane season and Mother Nature has a mind of her own except for the grace of God.

Okay we are better as a country because of Harvey, I am sure we will soon forget, because that what we do and we will go back to Judging each other base on of skin color, religion and politics.

The thing is I still saw some “of the Devastation was in the black area would it have gotten the coverage”, really! Still after this you want to play the “race card”, well every one will use what ever for the scam and 5 mins fame and God is not move by it….

Okay so I have said a lot but I have not answer my original question why and where is God? Did he cause this?

The thing is today as I look for a scripture to journal on “Harvey/Texas”, I saw so many about floods, water storm and as I read them trying to figure out which one and how I wanted to do it.

I realized none of the scripture said, I will stop the storm, I stop the flood.

It says when you go through the water…. I will be with you

many water has…. but he delivered.

So he is in the storm with us, he is going to deliver us from the flood but never did he say he will stop them! Why? What does God know about storms, water and flood, and the lesson they teaches us, that he doesn’t stop them, but instead he is right there with us…

do not be afraid, I have redeemed you, I have call you by name you are mines.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you!

#harvey2017

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Held together by stickers and washi tape!

My life is full of redundant lately, it seem every status, conversation, blog, centers around a crisis and yes we have a lot going on at once and crisis is our middle name but seriously like enough, so now I don’t even want to blog or write about it.

Anyway my brother text me yesterday wanting to see how we were doing and get an update, well I had just got some bad news and was I the frame of mind I just want to get home and get into my fort….

As I tell myself I so sick of crying especially in public.

So after sending a text saying I was having one of those days and don’t feel like chatting will message him later. I realized I don’t get to chat with my brother a lot and if it’s one thing these sickness and diagnosis and life is teaching me right now, is to live in the moments and spend time with the people who loves me.

So I breath, put on worship music and message him back and as I give him the latest set of bad news and he admits the family feels so hopeless and then the famous question.

How are you sis! How are you holding up? Ha holding up! as I type this blog and type my response the tears are falling, so I respond, I can’t wait to get home and go into my fort.

I am literally being held together by stickers and washi tape……

He encourages me and was happy I had an outlet, a health out let because heavens knows all the alternatives I can be doing.

As I got home and headed to my journal room and worked on a couple pages in my bible and let the music take me to the foot of the cross and chat with some sweet sister.

I message back Raf, and send him what I had done since we chat and he went oh wow! Awesome!

Yes I feel better, no the situation didn’t change, the news and results are the same, the decision

As I say Good night to my brother and end another conversation. RMG asked me how are you holding up, and I smile for real this time and say by “washi tape and stickers” and he smiled with me…..

Yep held together by washi tape and stickers and a faith in God that he can do the impossible!

#chroniclesofarainbowseeker

“Miscarriage the untold story”

Having a miscarriage is one of the hardest experience of any female’s life, having 2 miscarriages in a matter of weeks and losing twins is almost impossible and no-one should feel that pain, how-ever this is her story, she is a 17 year old, living in St.Vincent and the Grenadines, I asked her to do the hardest thing ever to put words to her pain, a couple months after having 2 separate miscarriages, (lost of twins separately)

“Miracles in my mess”

One of the cliches I loved is “only God can take a mess and give us a message”, and yeah I have counted on that when my world is a complete mess, most of the time.

It’s working for my good, God is going to turn this mess into a message, it helps me to be patient, to press on, to wait for change, but oh yes, the waiting part.

Waiting for God to turn my mess into a message is a challenge, I am not a very patient person, I want it now.

So yesterday as I read uninvited”, I had an ahaha moment, “looking for miracles,in the mess”. Yes it will work for my good! Yes he is turning it into a message, but while I am in this mess, I’m looking for my miracles

See my world is a mess right now, I don’t even want to do a status on social media because it’s redundant, I am either feeling like David, whining, oh lord help! Oh lord how come! Or Job and my friends are wondering, hey, I am wondering what did I do to reap this mess. I must had to do something right because to loose everything, to have so much happen and is happening? Why? Is this for naught. Yet I decided ” I won’t curse God and die” I won’t give in, I will slay my giants…

As I mediated on Lisa’s words in the un-invited and I look for the miracles, in my mess…

I have to say Oh lord how excellence is your name in all the earth (my life) because in this mess right here, right now, this situation where it’s an only God, or I die, we die! I see miracles, I see 3 healthy grandson, I see a new career, I see my kids getting closer and build stronger bonds, I see I am not in a mental institution, I have not totally lost my mind, and even if my health has questions and need a miracle, I am here! I am alive and God is still God….

So the mundane things, the “lost time”, “the abandonment”,

I will bless you! I will make you a nation, I am turning this mess into a message and there are miracles happening everyday. God’s love is reaching me and mines, in the pits and he is loving us with an everlasting love and oh the miracles around us are amazing

Yesterday, as I looked at the ultrasound of my 3rd grandson, as he put up a hand to wave, it’s a miracle he is thriving in a body that has seizures, migraine and microduplication 22q11.

I have friends when they found out my daughter was pregnant and really loves us but they know her story and health, they comment if there was ever a case for abortion this was it, mom’s life at risk, baby’s life at risk, quality of life unknown, but God, and the miracle in my mess is proving that if there was ever a case for pro-life this was it, because with all odds, this baby is thriving and living and is already a miracle.

Looking at my miracle NOT my mess!!!!!

“Wild dog puppies”

It has been about a month now and I can't get those words out my head. "What you expect. When you take in wild dogs puppy", the words were sent with such hatred, anger, poisons, venom and I feel and hear them , way down in my heart.

I was meant to destroy me and oh boy did it almost destroy me, some-one who has struggled with her identity for all my life. Some one who admits, that on most days I think I am worthless and my family and this world is better off with out me…

No. he wasn't calling me a "wild dog puppy" but it was meant to crush and destroy me , the words were sent to hurt me and oh did it. I have cried for days and weeks and still cries,
Even as I type this blog, the tears are falling because the effect of the hatred is still so fresh.

I want to scream, I want to asked why do you hate me, what have I done, what didn't I do? Why do you hate me so much? Why will you cut the rope that I am barely hanging on and leave me in a pit to die? Do you understand I wanted to die?, Do you know I counted the pill in my bottle and asked is this enough to do the job?
Will it stop this pain, will it bring a better solution? are they better off with out me?

I screen shot the conversation, I reminded myself of your words. How can a pastor, some one who claims to love God, call a child any child "a wild dog puppy", what did they ever do to you?

As I bible journal this month, this week, I make and extra effort to do "who I am", who does God say I am, I write out the affirmation, I put on flash cards, I create tip in.

I make a conscious decision to remind me who God say I am, and remind me whose I am.

I struggle to forgive you! I pray every day to forgive you but the words are echo and it bring me to tears every time and I have to go back to the foot of the cross, I have to give you to God and let God wash me with his words….

Today as I get dressed "word of God speak" came on and I hit the repeat button so fast, I forgot I was supposed to be trying to play my list completely with out repeat….
But my soul wants to live, my soul cries out to God to live, so he puts this song on my play list and reminds me that his words is pouring down like rain, he is in this place, this place where I am, this deep, dark pit, that this situation that has the "making of a perfect storm", that place where only a miracle can help me.

Yes I find myself lost for words and prayers and tears and yes it is ok….. but I hear him, he washed my eyes to see his majesty and yes right here, in this place let me stay in his holiness!

Because I am in the right place, in the right position with all the making of a miracle and yes this is one of my miracles.

It will take a miracle but oh boy do I know a miracle worker….

S

“Faith in worship”

It's 6 am, and I am laying in bed wide awake, I have been awake for a couple hours now, and after willing myself to "go back to sleep", with no such luck, my body is a clock, no matter, how late, how tired…….my body gets up at 4am.

So after listening to my worship music, turning and tossing, trying to "will" my body back to sleep, I call uncle!

So as I lay here, typing up my to do list for today. And playing phase 10, I decided I am going to do my devotion and set up H2H for today.

Last week took a break from the "norm", H2H is my baby Ministry, I don't want to operate on "robot mode", I don't want to post because it's what is expected, I want it to reach and minister to me first and then the ladies in the group, so as I try to figure out a picture for our "corporate worship room" today, I type into google "faith in worship", I wanted to see what will show up and of course so many pictures did, from cover of CD, to Ministry that has faith and worship in their names, to several that look very promising to me that demonstrated faith in worship

How do I choose? Well so much is speaking to me and several will be a perfect fit, but as I scroll I saw it, a man with out stretch arms and a cross (on Calvary) but the cross is leaning toward the worshipper! (See image) that's it "oh but for grace that runs from Calvary", that my faith in action.
When I lay awake in my bed, worrying about my kids, my health, my business, so much going on, the storms are redundant, you don't post of social media any more because it's "again"! So you message a couple friend and update them on the latest saga and ask to continue to keep your family in prayers.
You try to find a scripture that will encourage your heart, that will give you the grace and the strength to wake up and face this new day, yes it's a new day, it's Sunday, a beginning of a new week, his mercies are new, but for me it's still a struggle,

I check on my daughter who is sleeping and wonder if she will wake up in pain.
I pray for my boys and their situation
I pray for my grand-baby that today is a new day and he will be feeling better so his mom can have a better day, that she can find brand new mercies as she deal with pregnancy and a sick toddler.
I pray and I pray!

I scroll on Facebook to see what every one is posting this time of the morning, I click on some friends post about politic, faith, adoption.

All of this to distract me so I can get up! The struggle to start my day and face a new day is real……

So as I see the picture the one for H2H corporate worship room and as I type this blog, just type, no thinking it through and get it prep, I just type and I listening to my worship music, " I stand" by Hillsong comes on perfect! I switch out from typing this blog, share on Facebook my current situation. #writing this blog and I stand on repeat.

Then I think of the picture that inspired this blog, yes #ohbutforgracethatrunsfromcalvary
My life, my storms, my challenges, are not redundant to him

Right here I don't have the answers, I am lost, sometimes angry at God, don't understand his will, yes I trust his way, but I struggle with the "working for my good", I can't stop the tears,
I pray and I say it's too much,

Yes it's too much for me, so help me "yoke" to you so you can help me "bear my burdens", remind me that I am overwhelm and tired because I am trying to carry it by myself, remind me to always find my center in you, remind me that you know exactly where each of my kids are and what they need, remind me that you love them so much more than I could ever love them.

Yes remind me!

#ohbutforgracethatrunsfromcalvary

“Murphy’s law meets warrior princess”

"Pregnancy problems",as she calls them!

Rae-Quell having a difficult pregnancy is an under statement. She gives new meaning to HG, morning sickness and a heighten sense of smell that goes right back to the never- ending nauseous and vomiting.

And just in case that not enough let's add seizure, migraine, 22q to that mix and yeah she is having a "wonderful" time.

Once again the girl changes her major and decides she is going to get her CDA before the baby gets here and after calling a couple day-care centers she found one that allows her to do her volunteers hours…..

This morning, " Murphy's law" shows up, rushing to meet me for breakfast before I meet up with a client, she left her wallet at home, having to get off the bus a few stops from home, and having to walk back to the house only to realized she is locked out again, yes back to the bus stop praying a driver will let her ride, to me….

Yay but for grace she got to me, money in hand for a new buss pass and on her way to her program, she goes right, not a problem….

Then I get the text, I'm done with this day, I lost my "smart trip" yep the same one I just gave her money to buy….. and she typed I just want to go back to bed and start over but I can't even do that because I am locked out…… oh boy I feel you!
Yes I want to tell her call the center, cancel, come get my keys and go home and do some bible journaling…..

Nope! This is life, as much as we don't like to do "adulting" we just had to deal….

So I typed, breathe! Take the money for my "swaps supplies" get something to eat, get a new bus pass and go to your program….

I know something's she doesn't know, going to the center and working with the kids will be exactly what she needs and most importantly, this "warrior princess" is going to "slay her giants" and keep on keeping on!

So off with your head "Mr. Murphy's Law", look out this warrior princess is coming for you and you my friend is going to fall….#slayinggiantsisahobbyforus

So to her program, she went and is still there!

#chroniclesofawarriorprincess