“Miscarriage the untold story”

Having a miscarriage is one of the hardest experience of any female’s life, having 2 miscarriages in a matter of weeks and losing twins is almost impossible and no-one should feel that pain, how-ever this is her story, she is a 17 year old, living in St.Vincent and the Grenadines, I asked her to do the hardest thing ever to put words to her pain, a couple months after having 2 separate miscarriages, (lost of twins separately)

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“Enlarge my territory”

“Give me more ground!

From the time I read the book, “The prayer of Jabez”, I was hooked,, then I had the chance to choreography, the song, well that settled it, yes Lord, it was on repeat and prayer included, praying the words of the “Jabez Prayer”

Jabez is asking God to bless him greatly, exceedingly, or abundantly. God can provide beyond all that you can ask or imagine. He is leaving it up to God as the to the means of the blessings. This blessing is similar to “Thy Will be done” in the Lord’s Prayer.

What’s not to Like?! You are asking God to bless you indeed, give you more ground (enlarge my territory), keep your hands on me ( walk with me God) keep me from evil and help me not to cause pain

Yes I was/am right there! I had the CD, bought the books, make sure my kids read the books and devotions.

I wanted God to BLESS us, but not just bless me lord. But BLESS ME INDEED.

See I have always been self-employed, I coined the phone #bossbabe before the movie and #owningmytime was my hashtag before social media. I wanted to have my time for my kids, so I became my own boss, and yes I wanted God to bless every business and every business idea, every network marketing project I take on. What-ever my hands find to do, let me do it and while I am doing it Lord oh LORD please bless me.

See when I said that prayer and did the devotions, my idea of God answering that prayer of blessing me was financially, I saw Nicole’s Nursery as a household name, with international family day-care, I saw numbers in ministry. – youth ministry of ……… kids and well my bank account should look like God did bless me indeed.

As I look back, I used to considered that an un-answered prayer, you know the prayer that’s God says, not now, or even no…

I never question why would God say no to me, I mean I am praying the same prayer as Jabez, so why did God answer his not mines., until this blog that was never a question because some-where deep down, I was taught/learn to trust his will even when I don’t understand his way, he is God alone, he must have a reason and no I am not those who just say ok God says that settles it, heaven knows I have question him

A lot of time and still question him, when my prayers aren’t answer the way, I think they should.

But some-how as I prayed Jabez, year after year, month after month and still pray it, I never say okay God when are you going to bless and when are you going to enlarge my territory, when are you going to give me more ground, and it’s not for me, it’s not that I want more because heavens knows the more he blesses me the more I will bless some-one.

Today. As I was cleaning a regular, long time customers, she has been one of our first customers via a promotion and is still a client, we have been her cleaning company from just her. hubby and 2 dogs, to know they have 2 girls.

The baby just turned 1 this week, and as I clean through the house and see the changes, her oldest daughter went from crib to a big girl bed, gates went up and down and up again, and as I look at how they have change I realized that was an answered to my prayers!

See oh that you will bless me and enlarge my territory for me meant, big cleaning company, cleaners, and ever expanding,

For God because he is God alone and he knows exactly what I need as a single mom, full time mom, entrepreneur, youth minister and all the hats I wear, bless me indeed, meant sustain us, keep my business and keep me so I am able to do the task set before me.

Bless me indeed, with time for my kids, to home-school my kids, to be able to take off when needed, and still make provision for an income.

Did I just settled for enough, knowing I have a God who is able to give me abundantly above all I can ask or think…..

not really! See this is part of my miracle and part of the story, that I will fill in.

God has answered my Jabez prayers in more ways than one.

1- he has not only given me,creative ideas to form a business to sustain my family, he also blessed my kids with a spirit of entrepreneurial and their own business ideas.

2- the kids whose lives I have touched and has touch my life, starting with a “handicap” boy name Brandon is unbelievable. When you have an international ministry on Facebook, that reaches youth, teen moms and moms across the border that enlarging territory,

3- when you have a business or businesses and inspire of many emergency, you still have a base clientele, God has oh so blessed me indeed.

Had you asked me this morning had I ever prayed Jabez prayer, I would have said yeah but God hasn’t answered.

Oh Monique! Be careful what you pray for God has answered.

Oh that you will bless me and bless me indeed! 3 healthy grand-babies are in the number,

Enlarge my Territory, well!!!!

Keep your hands on me- if it had been for the lord on my side!!!!!!

Keep evil away from me- Lord in your mercies thank you for protection of danger seen and unseen, help me not to cause pain. Yes lord!

Lord! Thank You for always knowing what’s best for me, even when I don’t understand your way, help me to trust your will, keep everything from me and my kids, protect us from danger seen and un-seen, and yes Lord! , Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me

“Children’s children”

I have a lot of cliches I say, my kids hates them and it’s truly a pay-back because I hated them as a kid and promised, I will NEVER say those things.

Well here I am, an adult and cliches are my friend,

Some of my favorites are “life is tough, but you still get tot live it”, and ph yeah “blessed to be a blessing”, I love to give, it truly makes me happy to help/bless some one else, and it didn’t help my case being a girl guide because that’s all they teaches……

Most people who likes to give, is not gracious at receiving, I had to be taught that it’s ok to let some one bless me as I have been a blessing, being in a Facebook group “a friends loves all the time”, teaches that principals very well.

Well as cliches goes, one of my mantra “leaving a legacy for my children’s children”, of course I am thinking when I am gone, some one will bless my grandkids and great grandkids because of me…..

I want to “live into it”, so hearing my name will open doors for my children’s children,

Well who knew that I will live to see that manifest, a couple weeks ago a “stranger” to Rae-Kyea made her and awesome “war-binder” just because she is my daughter and I wanted her to have one, my friend Denise, used her time and resources and bless my daughter because of me! Ok that’s easy, I wanted her to have one and Denise volunteer to make one for her…..

Well yesterday I got a message that my grand-baby should expect a package, yep! My children’s children.

A Facebook friend of mines, blessed my grand-baby (children’s children) because of me!!!

What God, in this mess. I see the manifestation.

I get to see my legacy, my children’s children get bless because of how I live my life, in a season when I am questioning, my why’s!

He restores my soul!!! He bless my children’s children in the presence of my enemies! My cup runneth over, surely goodness and mercy are following me and mines!!!!!!!!

#grateful

Green light means Go!

Have you ever played “red light, green light”, well green light means go, trying to get to “home”.

Today, with a migraine and a lot on my mind and actually trying to think how I wanted to blog “miracles in my mess”, I was on my phone distracted yeah, thank God I was walking not driving but as I stood by the cross-walk, waiting for the light to turn so I can cross safely, as I wait, there were others with me, I just remembered I had to text Rae-Kyea a recipe, send Rae-quel a reminder, let my client know I was on my way………

As I am typing, I glance up and realized that every one was walking across except me and the light was once again turning red.

I had just missed my chance to cross, back to my phone I go!!!!

Smiling! It has been a really crazy busy month. To many deadlines, time is flying to fast and I have so much to get done, and with a migraine every day, it’s a struggle.

I have not posted a study on H2H and there are so many “task” that are incomplete for that ministry, as I put my phone away and concentrated on crossing and thinking of catching up on H2H, I realized that my “distractions” has been keeping me from the “opportunity ” to serve God! I have been missing what he had place in my hands for this moment, for this season, he knew my health and my family even more than I do and he has equipped me to handle it, if I just put him first, if I just get rid of the distraction

I can argue that my distractions are important, my daughters health, and so on and yes they are.

I will say I have to find balance, I have to work my “to do list”, I have to…….

The thing is all I have to do is surrender to God! That’s it, put my life, distraction, family, into Gods hands and let him figure out his plans for me, because he is so much better at it and then I follow him…….

“Miracles in my mess”

One of the cliches I loved is “only God can take a mess and give us a message”, and yeah I have counted on that when my world is a complete mess, most of the time.

It’s working for my good, God is going to turn this mess into a message, it helps me to be patient, to press on, to wait for change, but oh yes, the waiting part.

Waiting for God to turn my mess into a message is a challenge, I am not a very patient person, I want it now.

So yesterday as I read uninvited”, I had an ahaha moment, “looking for miracles,in the mess”. Yes it will work for my good! Yes he is turning it into a message, but while I am in this mess, I’m looking for my miracles

See my world is a mess right now, I don’t even want to do a status on social media because it’s redundant, I am either feeling like David, whining, oh lord help! Oh lord how come! Or Job and my friends are wondering, hey, I am wondering what did I do to reap this mess. I must had to do something right because to loose everything, to have so much happen and is happening? Why? Is this for naught. Yet I decided ” I won’t curse God and die” I won’t give in, I will slay my giants…

As I mediated on Lisa’s words in the un-invited and I look for the miracles, in my mess…

I have to say Oh lord how excellence is your name in all the earth (my life) because in this mess right here, right now, this situation where it’s an only God, or I die, we die! I see miracles, I see 3 healthy grandson, I see a new career, I see my kids getting closer and build stronger bonds, I see I am not in a mental institution, I have not totally lost my mind, and even if my health has questions and need a miracle, I am here! I am alive and God is still God….

So the mundane things, the “lost time”, “the abandonment”,

I will bless you! I will make you a nation, I am turning this mess into a message and there are miracles happening everyday. God’s love is reaching me and mines, in the pits and he is loving us with an everlasting love and oh the miracles around us are amazing

Yesterday, as I looked at the ultrasound of my 3rd grandson, as he put up a hand to wave, it’s a miracle he is thriving in a body that has seizures, migraine and microduplication 22q11.

I have friends when they found out my daughter was pregnant and really loves us but they know her story and health, they comment if there was ever a case for abortion this was it, mom’s life at risk, baby’s life at risk, quality of life unknown, but God, and the miracle in my mess is proving that if there was ever a case for pro-life this was it, because with all odds, this baby is thriving and living and is already a miracle.

Looking at my miracle NOT my mess!!!!!

How great thou are!!!

Oh Lord my God

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds

Thy hands have made

I see the stars

I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout

The universe displayed

Then sings my soul

My Savior, God, to Thee

How great thou art

How great thou art

Then sings my soul

My Savior, God, to Thee

How great Thou art

How great Thou art

You have to be living under a rock, not to know we are experiencing a once in a life time, at least for another 40 years, event.

Today as we wait/ watch/ anticipate the Eclipse, I could help but create all the “banners” for H2H about creation, how awesome is our God, he spoke and it happen, all my bible journaling is about the moon and the stars, they also bow down and worship…..

As I listen to my worship play list, I created just for today, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite scripture Revelations 4:11, for thou are worthy, oh lord to receive Glory, honor and power, for thou has created all things, for thy pleasure they are and were created…

So as man look in awe and anticipate, and scientists tries to explain, I Stand in awe with my hands lifted up, my mouth is fill with praise, with a heart of thanksgiving, I will bless his name…

God doesn’t need science but science needs God, so as it gets darker (2:15pm) and it looks like it’s about to storm, and yes we in Washington DC will only experience a partial, eclipse and every one every where will remember where we were and what we were doing when God showed up just a little of his handiwork, and creation will stand to give him glory and I am still amaze, that he choose me, he created me, he loves me with an everlasting love and I am his

So as eclipses 2017 come and go! I turn my music on to one of my favorite

The Stand

Hillsong United

Lyrics

You stood before creation

Eternity within Your hands

You spoke all life into motion

My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure

And carried the cross for my shame

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation

Your Spirit alive in me

This life to declare Your promise

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I’ll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

I’ll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

A night of Shakespeare’s and the lesson I learned.

I love Shakespeare, I love to read, and with so many of awesome books, which included several from Shakespeare on my English Literature book list for high school, well!!

Yes I am that girl that read all her English lit books and those of my cousin if they let me, over the summer before school started.

Living in DMV area, where there are so many Shakespeare Theater, there is always a show and sometimes the prices are reasonable so I am always on the “look-out”

Well I hit the “jackpot” this weekend,Othello was playing and it was free and with my daughter’s diligence we got 2 tickets , I decided to torture Rae-quel and take her with me, let the fun begins.

Getting ready was a production itself, Saturday, summer evening at the theater for this mother/daughter duo…

So we decided to go early, get our tickets and then maybe hang out at a Starbucks until time for the show, well we got early, had no problem, getting our tickets, doing surveys and even enter a raffle, we decided to stay at the theater and the lines, came…. the process was fairly easy, well organized and enough seating, but you can tell it was going to be a full house.

Well at 7:30 pm Rae-quel and I being first in line at one of the doors were the first to enter after all the “special guest”, so as we scan the theater for seating that was not reserved, we decided to go up front stage and center!

Oh my awesome seating! You can see all exit, all enter, play props and hearing was not a problem…love our seat!

Well the show start with the normal welcome, speech, and raffle and then the show begin, seriously it was light and fun and it was not “dragged out”, and with a bang the show started and I realized our first mistake, our seat was awesome but as asthmatic maybe being right stage and center was not a good idea! Smoke and other props were used… ok inhaler in hand, I can do this!

The show was amazing, the actors were awesome, they had almost every one on the edge of the seat, no one on their phones, no one talking and as Rae-quel observed, every one sitting on our section “looked like they loved Shakespeare (lol), she is now a fan of Shakespeare’s also!

I will see this show again and will recommend it, it was well done, even the monologues were well done!

During the show I realized how much of the “speeches” I remember and had to stop myself from saying it out loud (smiling). But again job well done! The entire event was well planned, organized, had enough staff available to help, clear instruction and in-spite of the long lines for bathroom every thing was superb and it was unanimous, that this is a show we would actually love to see again.

So this was Rae-Quel’s first time and she is now a Shakespeare’s fan, quoting various “famous” line from several several Shakespeare on the way home and afterwards.

Special thanks to Rae-Kyea for getting tickets!.

As I think of the plot and the show, it’s hard to miss (even though I had forgot or missed it while reading) how evil Diargo was, the “deaths” his lies and jealousy cause.

As we watch him, getting happy at the “doomed” he was planning, as he “monologue” about the “foolish” of each person and how he, Diargo, was going to “spin his poison” and that he did.

There are so many Diargo in life, “friends” that will spread their poison and we allowed them, as I saw the anguish on Othello face as he realized he had “killed” his sweet wife over lies and the pain was too much to bear, he killed himself with his sword

We watched as Diargo twisted every thing his way leading every one to think the way he wanted them to think and draw the convulsion he was selling them.

As I watched with excited, reminded myself of parts I had forgotten about this beloved play, I could not help but compare “art” to “live”, I am reminded that why we are warned in proverbs not to lean on our understanding, there are so many scripture that warns about the “evil of lies and deceptions”.

Life usually imitate art, and we can allow our jealous and anger to destroy other people’s lives, or we can be Othello and allows a very evil man to take away your happiness, because you allowed his lies and ideas to grow!

The Bible warns that, the devil was like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, but usually as we watched out for the lion. “Big things”, we miss the subtle thing, the small things, the thought projection that the enemy feeds us, we are led to come to the conclusion he wants us to come to and it usually leads to death.

So yes I absolutely had an amazing night at the theater, it was fun to experience with Rae-Quel, it is definitely one for our memory books and it most likely will become one of our S.M.I.L.E moments and a legacy I hope my kids will pass on, but for now I am also reminded, to check the source, look for the pitfalls and lean not on my own understanding…