I love you forever

A few months after I got to America I went to an All day self-esteem workshop. I’m not sure how and why, 27 years later I can’t even remember the speaker name but what pregnant 19 year old moving into a new country does not need a self-esteem workshop. What I remember was they dealt with body types, colors and clothes that fit each. It was actually my first workshop. What I do remember about it is that she read the book ” I love you forever” by Robert Munch and gave all the participants a copy it. That book changed bedtime for my kids starting with the first. I have read that book a million times over the past 27 years and to this day my family still says “I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as I’m living, my _____ you’ll be”. I love giving it as a baby shower gift.



I love giving present and receiving them but who doesn’t, the thing is finding the prefect present for the person. I have to admit with amazon, wish, and so much online options it’s easy to just order something and ship it directly to the person it saves time and sometimes money maybe all the time for me any way because it helps me not to go overboard and buy things I didn’t intend to do. The thing though, there is not much thought to it even if it is something the person liked or want it can be so ……. but to have someone take the time, go to the store, handpick what they know you liked and want, buy it, wrap it and bring it to you. Well in today’s world that speaks volume. It says that person thought so much of you.
Well as I think of my 4 kids each unique, different, amazing, talented, from the quiet bookworm to the drive me to drink and pull my hair out spoiled brat and the in between. I know my kids are handpicked by God for me. He did not just sit by a computer and put in a order and shipped it directly to me instead he took his time and formed, numbered, designed, and created each one of them in his likeliness and then placed them with me to cherish and love. I have not always made the right decision and yes I’ve made my mistakes but as I look at my “gifts” handpicked by an amazing God who always know whats best, I am in love with the gifts he has given me.

His Ways, Purpose, and Promises

Just after I had Timothy being a avid listener to “focus on the family” and James Dopson, i got and read his book ” Having faith when God does not make sense”.
It was the perfect timing because nothing in my life made sense. I had just had a very sick baby and doctors were trying to practice medicines. There were most things wrong then answers, during that season of misdiagnosis, wrong diagnosis, and more test. I start to remember to have faith when nothing made sense so I took it one day at a time, mostly operating on autopilot or what I call robot mode and trusting god that he had a plan and a purpose and was working it out. I did not question his ways, I just looked at my family and trusted God to work it out for our good and he did above and beyond.
I look back and still amazed and still ask how? Today as I looked at my current situation the storm has been at it’s worst everyone and everything I love is on the line. This time I am asking why? I know he promises that I have a hop and a future but I ask why. Is it necessary for me, for us to go this way to fulfill his purpose nevertheless and I surrender my will to his and yes I still tell him I dont understand his way. I don’t know what he is doing and when my faith is weaken, reminds me that ” his way has a purpose” he has a plan, purpose and promise to me and mines and then I ask him to help me and trust him.
Its a daily surrender my will to his will. As I look at my kids hurting and struggling to get a grip, my heart breaks and then I put my hand on my heart for a few moments. I breath and slowly I remind myself that we are not alone, god is in the midst of this and even when I don’t understand his way, when I don’t see the path, I just have to trust his plan and surrender to his will.
So I encourage my kids and myself to hold on just a little longer, then the page, start a new chapter and allow his prefect will to be done in the midst of it all.


Samantha’s Sorrow

When sitting at Starbucks working, mingling, or just relaxing is a part of your daily routine the baristas get to know you and your order. It has benefits such as your order being ready before you even go in line, faster and better than mobile service. I spend so much “off time” there that I am missed if I don’t go one day and o even get text from some of the baristas checking on me. It’s another family community. Just as the baristas knows the regulars we also get to know each other and even though for the most part we are in our own world of electronics, headphones, and current task at hand every once and a while we look up or put down and connect in real conversation. This is how I met Samantha. She asked if I had kids and reminded me every chance I get to make sure to hug then and let the hug linger a little longer. I smiled and say yes I know life is too precious. She went on to tell me about her son. She loved him and hugged him even now as a grown man but just like the rest of us, she also sometimes got caught up in life and put off some of the small things. She couldn’t remember if she told him she loved him but as life happens and things happen the morning of the last time she saw him she wished she had one more hug.

I paused and think of my kids and how many times I get mad at them for stupid things and leave the house expecting to be back that afternoon and move on, time to think but we always expect to get back we don’t think maybe this is the last time. Life is so precious. Don’t take it for granted. Get that hug


Silent Strength

My oldest daughter Rae-Kyea is very quiet. She prefers to read a book instead of most things kids enjoy and add worship music to that, the girl has died and gone to heaven. For the last 2 years I’ve watched her take on role of mom and wife and I’ve watched this sweet child become an amazing woman as she advocates for her husband and son. I think if even surprised Rae-Kyea that she had the strength to stand up to insurance companies for her son with baby #2 on the way and realizing this was a tough year for of our family and just maybe I was feeling overwhelmed  (which I was) the girl has appointed herself as my “guardian angel” ensuring i am taken care of from surprise shopping trips to day at the park with her and baby E and coffee dates. Her random texts of her checking on me making sure I know she loves me.  Oh sweet precious “refreshing spirit” I am so blessed to have you for a daughter and yes I know you love me and so do I but I am so proud of the strong amazing virtuous proverbs 31 wife that you have become and is becoming

I Got This

As I prepare my family for the news, the prognosis, will it be as bad as expected or will I get a Miracle. It was the worst day of my life filled with regrets, sorrow and sadness. Going over in my mind the lost time wishing I had not out off some things. Wishing for this first time for a magic wand to get a do over. This is one lesson I didn’t want to learn. I wanted to wake up and realize it was just a nightmare. I spend the night finishing up projects, preparing for the worst and praying for this best. As the hurricanes was fast approaching america my personal storm was fast approaching and just as vicious as all the hurricanes together. So I pray and I make preparation and as morning break not wanting to wake my family up too early but wanting a moment to spend with each of them before our world spins off it’s axis and we enter the twilight zone at 6 am, not wanting to waste anymore time I enter Shawn room and gently wake him up. He got up and hugged me so tight and before I can go over the speech I had gone over for months, letting the years call easily. He hugged me and said “it’s okay, i got this”.

The little boy who scared me on so many occasions with his daredevil actions had grown up to be an amazing man and wise beyond his years. Knowing I will not be able to keep it together as we prepare to face this giant. He just hugged me and said “I got this”

Oh sweet angel baby boy, you have always covered my back and picked up so many responsibilities at such a young age. I have always count and depended on you when your siblings were sick and you filled the gap of the missing parent and picked up some of the responsibilities. So I know you got this and I got you.
#chroniclesofparenting #ohana

Weigh your words

Because of your words I feel unworthy, unloved. Because of your words I almost gave away my baby. Because of your words I felt like a failure and unfit to be loved by my family. Because of your words a dream was denied and a future was detoured. Because of your words I almost committed suicide. Because of your words my mistakes were my torturers. Because of your words my life was changed for the worst.

Because of his word I am saved and free. Because of his words I have eternal life. Because of his words my sin was forgiven and tossed in the sea of forgetfulness. Because of his words I am loved with an everlasting love. Because of his words I have a future. Because of his words I am healed. Because of his words I belong to a loving family. Because of his words I am wonderfully made. Because of his words I am a promise.

Whose report will you believe?pic1