These daughters of mine”

Over the weekend as the world go crazy and the pictures on social media seem to be something out of several centuries, and I had to check to see if we had all "gone through a time machine" I had the pleasure of spending some times with my daughters #winning.
Well if you know my girls they are as different as different can be, and if you asked any of them, they claimed one or all of them is adopted and have families looking for them (inside family joke)

Well I love spending time with them especially in this season, I am reminded of how precious time is!

This weekend included a trip to the grocery store for Sunday dinner, yes oh my world, what have I gotten myself into, Rae-Kyea wanted dinner ideas that was easy, no prep and she couldnt mess up, Rae-Quel wanted tacos, crunchy and truth be told I just wanted to go home and go in my cave, with Caribbean steam provision and stew chicken back!!!!!

And yes there is the problem, with out the boys as "tie breakers" or "more choices" I was left to shop for 3 different meals… okay not a problem, let's do this!

Well shopping is never easy, not on a Sunday, not with food allergies and not when you have 3 meals and one of them included an international food….

As I think back on my Sunday I smile, because as crazy as it was, I absolutely had fun with the girls, as I watch Rae-quel teased Rae-Kyea about not being able to cook, Rae-Kyea just wants me to move in and cook for her, not happening! And I just want to grab some stuff sonI can get to my "cave"….

As I go over all my ideas of #enoch friendly easy (my idea of easy) meals that will be pleasing to her hubby who is also from the Caribbean, my daughter gave me this look as if I had just enter the twilight zone, and a very strong no mom! can I have regular "American" sweet potatoes (lol) regular and American is over rated!!!!

Okay we survived that trip that time and Ms Kyea was in her way home to make Spanish rice, bake chicken with green beans and I will "standby" on my phone for the 1000 texts that will follow this process.
Kelly and I was on our way with items for taco and Caribbean "dry food" and stew chicken (no chicken back )….

Yes Sunday dinner was a blast and at the end of the day, time with my girls were so worth it…

#vincimami

“Color me blind”

It's Monday and a new work week and most of us, has gone back to life as "normal" the hashtag #charlottesville, will be used less and #prayersforcharlottesville has stop, life goes on, any way for us, until the next incident.

So why did I wait until today to speak out, "why am I a day late and a dollar short", am I not angry at what happened? Well….

I don't want this to be another blog, another post, but most importantly, I spend the weekend trying to explain to my 19 year old, my strong opinion on what's going on and what's the cause of this.

One of the question/observation, she asked, why so much hate with this administration? We have always had problems but not openly, as I try to tell my daughter, hate begat hate unless we change it, you can't have a leader that ignites, hate and in-justice and the country stays calms, except for the grace of God!

Is he to blame for all of this, of course not! We are all to blame…..

It grieves my heart on a daily bases as I scroll Facebook of the racist hate I see especially from the Christian community, yes I hold us to a higher standard.

Okay! So let's talk about #charlottesville, most of us out-cry about what has taken place and we should, its racist, it's un-acceptable and it oh so wrong, as I read twitter, I see so many pictures of #equality, hate is taught not born, quotes from MLKjr and the list goes on.

Here is my one cent, as I see the post and read the comments I see a pattern, I see a problem, my heart breaks? I ask how did we get here? It's 21st century, we have come a long way or have we!!

Let each of us examine ourselves and see the racists in each of us, the hate we share publicly on social media. We are the problem!

If you have used a them vs us – you are a racist
If you compare any thing by skin color -you are a racist
If you teach your kids to "look out for them", "they mean you no good" you are a racist and you are breeding hate!
If you used all white, them white, all black, all LGBT, all muslims to describe any negative situation, you are part of the problem

If you have use social media and call some one outside of what God created them for you are the problem
If you judge a situation with out knowing their story, you are part of the problem

If you have spend the whole weekend comparing every event to a #black-situation you are part of the problem.

So yes, hate is too big of a burden, and we create an atmosphere of tension and riot unless we truly get past the stinking thinking, forgave ourselves and our history and leave the past in the past.

We all have a beginning, but that only a part of your story, and too many people sacrifice their all so we can be free, most importantly God gave his only son so you can be free!

Unless we judge people by their actions and intentions and not the skin color, not the past, we will always have #Charlottesville

Only love and light can drive out hate and darkness, so as we #remember #charlottesville, let us color our world blind, let's link up and get involve, let's see each other as Christ sees them, not black, not white, not wild dogs puppies, not a teen mom (problem) but as humans..
Let's start with one and start with me..

“I’m on my way”

As a Day-care provider, circle time was my favorite, 10 mins per day and the kids learned so much, they learned by repetition,
We did the same songs, nursery rhymes, every day, redundant you say… yes there were times I changed up just a bit, and then we do a short activity to re-enforce. I have always loved the Montessori way of teaching and then later added the emerging to home-schooling my kids, I have alway advocate to teach kids how they learn…
Anyway this blog is not about teaching or learning! Go figure! After 2 paragraph.

The thing is one of my favorite thing to say/sing during circle time was "going on a bear hunt", it had every thing, you needed to teach in it. repetition, action and imagination, yes let's go on a bear hunt and see what we will find!

Well I have change the word to that poem, to try and tell about my "faith walk" in this season

Adapted from "going on a bear hunt"

Going to Canaan, gonna see my healer
come across sickness
Can't go around it, can't go over it, gotta go through it.

Going to Canaan, gotta see my provider.
Come across being fired
Can't go around it, can't go over it
Can't go under it, gotta go through it.

Going to Canaan. Gotta see Jesus…
Come upon a struggle.
Can't go over it
Can't go under it
Gotta go through it

Come fire! Come storm, come mountains, come devil… gotta go through it!!!

#gottagothroughit

“Through my father’s eyes”

All of my kids wears glasses, except for Rae-Quel, it's an inherited gene, on both side of the family, but definitely from the parsons (my father's family)

Anyway, my daughter Rae-Kyea has been wearing glasses since she has been 2, and her eyes are very similar in prescriptions to mines,

Rae-Kyea glasses got broken a couple days ago, and had to taped the frame until she can get her new ones because she cannot see with out them.

Today was her appointment and I received a text. " going to see how blind I am"
So my respond to her "very blind, you get it from your mama", and then I type that's ok we have our fathers eyes, we get to see the good in people and see through his eyes, since our eyes are useless.

Even with the strongest prescription, as close to what they can put in a frame, I think mines eyes at 18/200, really bad, glasses help takes the straight and give some focus but really not much…
I have lived with this my entire love and has adapt and as learned to cope, look for building as landmark, etc

I have stopped and cry so many times, when I get lost because I can't see numbers, street sign in a new area and it can be frustrated, but my life is so much richer, because I get to see people how God sees them, I get to not look with my eyes but see with my heart,
I get to see things through God eyes and yes even in the nature, in a new area, I get to depend on God, to help me "see" what I need!

So this morning as my daughter gets fitted for her new "eyes" and hearing our "heavy" her glasses will be, I get to reminder her and myself that eyes like ours are very special!!! And that's a blessing….

“Burden bearer”

To say I love to worship, is an understatement, you have seen the blogs on music and worship and if you follow me on Facebook, most days you want to block me and say enough already! Yes #musicislife #worshipismyvice. The thing is today I was studying Galatians 6:2 , to make an entry in my bible and as I get distracted, I had to get up to check on my daughter, the pets, just the house, I start looking at the time and getting frustrated because what I had plan for my quiet time this morning still wasn't done!

Don't get me wrong, I have been in my bible journaling room since 3am and has gotten a lot done but what I had set aside for today, is still on the table.

So as I come back to my bible and getting ready to figure out how I want the page. I think of all the distraction of the morning, the things that seemly took me away from my worship, from my alone,quiet time with God…. right!

Wrong! Checking to see if my daughter had a seizure or is ok, answering a text from my other daughter, checking on a friend, messaging a friend to let her know what her gifts meant to me, walking my son's dog so he can sleep in a little later, getting some scraps for a friend (yes my distraction of the morning) and the list goes on was part of my worship time, not outside, not distracted, not instead of, it is part of what I do as a Christian, as I bear others burden it's is my worship to God to say thank you for being my burden bearer, for taking my burdens on you back to Calvary and as I yoke up with you, I am also able to link up with my friends and family and bear their burden.

It's my worship to you! This is my gift, my worship, my prayer to you, as I live out "Christ in me the hope of glory"………..

#chroniclesofaworshipper

“A blast from the past”

"Okay I done gone and bumped me head" lol, those words of a rainbow seeker friend as she described me and my advice!

Well I really has bumped my head! So I am listening to worship music, that's not new but this time I am on YouTube listening to worship music from SVG, wishing and remembering a time that was so simple, faith was so simple or so it seem.

As I listens to some of the familiar words, the steel band as part of worship, remembering being on the street corners on a Sunday evening, testifying, sing, praising of the goodness of God with out realizing how good he really was,

The memories kept coming and yes it brings a smile to my face, even those memories of old crushes, old flings, old boy-friend….

But as the memory comes I remember falling in love with God and singing I keep falling in love with you over and over and over again, and yes as I listen, sing and remember. I keep falling in love with him over and over again, I am older, I have gone through some stuff, going through some stuff and will go through some stuff but I keep falling in love with an amazing God, who keeps me in the midst of it all…..

So as I breath in and enjoy some music from SVG, I am awesomely reminded of the covenant made to follow him all the way, no turning back no turning back !!!!

“Wild dog puppies”

It has been about a month now and I can't get those words out my head. "What you expect. When you take in wild dogs puppy", the words were sent with such hatred, anger, poisons, venom and I feel and hear them , way down in my heart.

I was meant to destroy me and oh boy did it almost destroy me, some-one who has struggled with her identity for all my life. Some one who admits, that on most days I think I am worthless and my family and this world is better off with out me…

No. he wasn't calling me a "wild dog puppy" but it was meant to crush and destroy me , the words were sent to hurt me and oh did it. I have cried for days and weeks and still cries,
Even as I type this blog, the tears are falling because the effect of the hatred is still so fresh.

I want to scream, I want to asked why do you hate me, what have I done, what didn't I do? Why do you hate me so much? Why will you cut the rope that I am barely hanging on and leave me in a pit to die? Do you understand I wanted to die?, Do you know I counted the pill in my bottle and asked is this enough to do the job?
Will it stop this pain, will it bring a better solution? are they better off with out me?

I screen shot the conversation, I reminded myself of your words. How can a pastor, some one who claims to love God, call a child any child "a wild dog puppy", what did they ever do to you?

As I bible journal this month, this week, I make and extra effort to do "who I am", who does God say I am, I write out the affirmation, I put on flash cards, I create tip in.

I make a conscious decision to remind me who God say I am, and remind me whose I am.

I struggle to forgive you! I pray every day to forgive you but the words are echo and it bring me to tears every time and I have to go back to the foot of the cross, I have to give you to God and let God wash me with his words….

Today as I get dressed "word of God speak" came on and I hit the repeat button so fast, I forgot I was supposed to be trying to play my list completely with out repeat….
But my soul wants to live, my soul cries out to God to live, so he puts this song on my play list and reminds me that his words is pouring down like rain, he is in this place, this place where I am, this deep, dark pit, that this situation that has the "making of a perfect storm", that place where only a miracle can help me.

Yes I find myself lost for words and prayers and tears and yes it is ok….. but I hear him, he washed my eyes to see his majesty and yes right here, in this place let me stay in his holiness!

Because I am in the right place, in the right position with all the making of a miracle and yes this is one of my miracles.

It will take a miracle but oh boy do I know a miracle worker….

S